I am the Protagonist

I take my place on a park bench
I light another cigarette
a quarter in the grass reflects the sunlight in my direction
I pick it up
reflecting the gold beam still in my hand
a couple sits across from me
he’ll take her out tonight
to that five star Italian joint
the sun reflects off the band on her finger
maybe they’re thinking of kids
I put the quarter in my pocket
another couple gingerly walks by
a child in a carriage
they’ll go home tonight
enjoy a fine cooked meal
fillet mignon
baked potato
carrots
with the works
courtesy of the beautiful wife
as for the child
the honors student
the captain of the football team
prom king
everyone will adorn him with reverence
they’ll be so proud.

I'm gnawing at the muffled voices
and grinding floods these ears
my teeth set on edge
each fiber in me frozen
by the levy of a mind ready to burst
I feel a pressure coming down on me
I feel myself slipping through the cracks
I'm finding it hard to fix these throbbing eyes
finding comfort in the numbing of my charred senses
neglect leads to perfection.

I struggle to my feet
nostalgic for memories I’ve never practiced
I walk down the block
a dog tied to a lamp post
panting under the searing sun
watched attentively by a fat sweaty man
sitting on a crate
reading the post
I see a family drive by in a sedan
they’re off to see a movie
the latest disney flick
Nausea
in the pit of my stomach.

I light another cigarette
I find myself home
no place like home
dorothy dorothy
it’s a dark place
the walls of this room
a knock echoes
breaking the dry silence
I open the door
“will you testify in family court?”
I close the door
no place like home.